in Living 561 Words

New Year, Same Old Me

The crossover from one year into another was gentle in our house, the kids slept right through while my husband and I started rewatching the extended editions of The Lord of the Rings (and we drew the trilogy out over the next few evenings). 2024 left me feeling a bit bruised and tender, and I wasn’t feeling celebratory on New Year’s Eve, so we saved our champagne for the evening of New Year’s Day instead.

While others are making resolutions, setting fitness goals and planning holidays, I find myself craving peace and rest after a turbulent year.

I returned to work last January after a year off on maternity leave and immediately regretted it because so many people had moved on that it was like joining a different team. I started a new job in June but it’s felt like jumping out of frying pan into the fire as it’s much busier and less specialised than I’d hoped, and certainly not the change of career I’m seeking. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the spring, and while it explained so many struggles I’ve had through life, it also brought a wave of fresh self doubt and regrets as well. Finally, in November, we lost our lovely cat Mara, after nine years of her companionship, and I have been struggling with grief and guilt ever since. It’s by no means the worst year I’ve endured, but it’s taken a toll on me nevertheless.

The highlights of 2024 were mostly moments with our family such as our summer holiday, visiting the Enchanted Forest and other daytrips, and just the joy and wonder of seeing our daughters grow. Our oldest turned four in February, she is so bright and confident, and she’s all set to start school in August 2025, which is as exciting as it is nerve-wracking, and will be a big adjustment for us all. Our youngest turned two in November and has become such a little chatterbox, already full of opinions, and ever eager to keep up with her big sister.

It rained all morning on New Year’s Day, but cleared up in the afternoon so we braved a wrapped up trip to Lunderston Bay for our traditional beach walk. I’ve been feeling a bit maudlin lately, and a walk on the beach was such a balm for my weary heart.

I waded into the water in my wellies, which is as close to a dash and a dook as I’ve ever gotten, but there were some other braver folk who went for a dip. As we were beach combing for shells, the sun broke through the clouds and cast a golden glow over snowy mountains in the distance, the shimmering water and the sandy shore, reminding me how grateful I am to live in such a beautiful country, and how lovely winter here can be.

We’ve filled the first few days of 2025 with play dates with our daughters’ cousins and nursery friends, swimming at the local pool and a final visit to the Winterfest to ride the carousel and Santa’s train (the helter skelter was closed due to ice!). It’s been a bit of a blur, but I’m grateful for so many of these moments of joy, laughter and connection, and hope 2025 will be full of more. It’s back to work and nursery tomorrow, but wishing everyone a belated happy New Year. X

13 thoughts on “New Year, Same Old Me”

  1. Happy New Year . So sorry about Mara, we lost both our beloved cats in 2021 with just 6 months between them, they were both in their 17th year. The year before we lost our wild rabbit who died at the grand old age of 13, she’d been with us since she was just a few days old so losing her was awful as was losing the cats just months later.

    I feel guilty for losing the cats thinking I could have done more, but my partner keeps telling me that I did more than the average pet owner. Unfortunately all this happened during COVID so vet visits were challenging as we could never go in with Alfie cat whose illness was undiagnosed until it was too late.

    Finger’s crossed for a better year, we lost a dear friend and my brother in law last year, both taken too young.

    Thank you for writing such a lovely blog, I always take note of what books you are reading. Last year I only managed 2 books all year which is shocking, so hope to do better this year!

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment. I’m so sorry for your losses, I hope 2025 is a kinder year than last. I think it’s more important to enjoy a couple of books than worry about the numbers, and it can be hard time to find the time and focus to read when we have other things going on. I hope you find some new favourites this year. Happy new year. X

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  2. Adjustments are often difficult after a longer stay away from our career paths… Changes and adapting to new people especially so.. So I could feel for you when you returned to work after your maternity leave.

    I could also resonate with your loss of your beloved Mara your cat… We have kept cats all our life… One till she was 21, and three more that have come and gone with love and heartache..
    And this Christmas we nearly went by without Biscuit, but we managed to find him thank goodness after 3 days… He was whipped away by meaningful people who thought he was a stray when he was sheltering from storm Darragh.. The loss one feels when they are no longer around is raw..

    On a lighter note.. I love your photos, and lovely girls you have.. and I hope now you have a diagnosis you can better adjust to how you have been feeling

    Wishing you and your family a very Happy New Year.. 💖

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    1. Thank you for your lovely message. I’m glad Biscuit found his way home safely, our animal companions take up so much space in our hearts and our daily routines too. I’m very grateful for my daughters, they’re such funny little people, love seeing the world through their eyes and sharing adventures with them. Happy new year to you too! X

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      1. Yes we were so happy and thankful to have him back…. They are family and more..
        I think our children and grandchildren teach us daily as we see from their perspectives again…

        May this new Year bring you all much happiness and many more adventures together xx ❤

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  3. Sending love. Although you have had some hard times in 2024, I am sure things will improve this year.

    I think we all experience guilt and grief when pets die, I know I have,please know that you and your family gave Mara such a lovely life. It’s so hard to know that our animals don’t exist on this earth as long as we humans do.
    All the best for 2025. Xx

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    1. Thanks, my daughters are little hurricanes but so much fun and already such interesting people, think this will be another big year full of change and growth for them. 😊 Happy New Year to you too. X

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