Tag: change

Introducing Pixie

Finding time amidst Christmas preparations to share an overdue post introducing the newest member of our little family, a rescue cat we adopted at the end of October.

I wasn’t really ready to adopt a new cat, and Mara was such a special cat that I knew I’d struggle not to compare another cat to her, but the kids were asking when we’d get another cat and once I’d started seeing ads for cats needing to be rehomed, it was impossible to look away. Cats are such creatures of routine and familiarity that I really feel sorry for those that experience the shock, upheaval and distress of having to be rehomed.

We contacted a couple of local rehoming centres, and I arranged to meet two cats in foster care on a Saturday morning while my husband took the girls to dance class, both cats were lovely and I hated having to choose between them (though the other one has also been adopted now). On a Monday morning, after dropping the kids off at school and nursery, my husband and I went to pick up Pixie, a three year old black and white girl cat from her foster home.

We never knew much about Mara’s past, but we were able to get Pixie’s date of birth and full medical history, and a bit about why she had to be rehomed. Sadly, she was living with her brother and the two of them weren’t getting on, I have no idea how you choose in that situation.

Pixie spent the first week mostly hiding under the couch, but she’s gradually been getting more curious, vocal and confident. She’s been very gentle with the kids, though she does tend to hide when they get too loud or boisterous, I’m not sure she had much contact with kids before coming to us, but she’s very playful. My husband put a box on top of one our bookcases, and she likes to take herself up there when she wants to watch our antics from a safe distance, but she’s a lapcat that will happily settle down with us while we’re watching TV or reading.

I still miss Mara, but Pixie is a lovely addition to our family. X

Life Lately..!

Time seems to slipping away from me as we approach the end of the year. We are so lucky to have such distinct seasons here in Scotland, early November was unusually mild but the last couple of weeks brought a cold snap full of frosts and subzero temperatures, and we’re all looking forward to the merriment and cheer of Christmas.

Our oldest daughter started school in August, and she has settled in so well, making a little group of friends, building on her number and counting skills, writing and learning to read. I couldn’t be more proud of her as she works her way through the phonics books we borrowed from the library. She’s moved up two classes in gymnastics since May and we’re thinking about looking for a competitive club because she shows such aptitude and skill, and she enjoys it so much.

Our youngest is enjoying extra one to one time with me, something she hasn’t really had since she was a baby, and she’s coped better than I expected with going to nursery without her sister. We celebrated her third birthday with a little party at the start of November, and she’s moved up to pre-school at nursery. This season of parenting is bringing a lot of new challenges but I’m leaning into it as much as I can.

I’ve also made a big change, resigning from my role in council social services to move into the charity sector. Giving up a profession and taking a paycut feels like a step backwards, but I’m hoping it will be less stressful and a better balance for our family. Our daughters will only be little for such a short time and I don’t want to miss it. My husband’s been self employed full time since February and his business has been more successful than we expected so it feels like a good time for me to try something new.

I’ve also returned to my old yoga studio after a five year gap, it’s a lovely restorative and relaxing class that’s just what my mind and body need at the moment. 

Yesterday was the first anniversary of our cat Mara’s, death. I’ve been struggling with a lot of grief through autumn, as I loved snuggling up with Mara in the evenings as she snoozed on my lap while I read, or when she would sleep between my ankles, or crawl under the duvet to snooze pressed into my side on the coldest nights. The girls had been asking if/when we’d get another cat, so we started making enquiries to see if it would be possible to adopt a house cat with small children. At the end of October, I visited a little black and white cat being fostered on a Saturday morning and we adopted her on the Monday morning. I’ll write more about our little Pixie soon, but she’s settling in well.

Life still feels fairly hectic at the moment, and our calendar is already filling up with Christmas events but I’m trying to find quiet moments amidst the hustle and bustle, and to embrace all the changes. Have a lovely week. X

Embers and Ambers

We woke yesterday to a thin layer of Frost on the car windscreen, the first of the season. We’re in the middle of autumn here in Scotland, always a season of contrasts: beginnings and endings, the last of the sun’s warmth and the first frosts, the glorious colour and texture of the leaves, and of course death and decay as leaves, flowers and insects all die back before winter.

There are still a few hardy geraniums (Rozanne just doesn’t stop), roses, nasturtiums and calendula all stubbornly blooming in our garden, though Storm Amy battered the sunflowers. There are also pots of cabbage, kale, chard and pak choi seedlings in the greenhouse that may or may not come to anything. I’m planting Meteor peas in the raised beds which are apparently hardy enough to overwinter. There are still daffodil bulbs to plant, as well as finding space in the long border for anenomes and michaelmas daisies, but I’m starting to feel the pressure now as winter is on its way.

We had lots of Red Admirals visiting the garden and feasting on our plums all through September, but this month we’ve found lots of Caterpillars in the garden much to the children’s fascination.

While most people are looking up at the trees, there’s lots to see at ground level too. Our little street is hidden beneath a carpet of beech tree leaves at the moment, and I’ve spotted a few Aminita Muscaria (or fly agaric toadstools) at the base of the trees. It seems like the world is full of reds, ambers, golds at the moment, all the fiery shades for the “ember” months.

As we move through the autumn months, life still feels hectic with no signs of slowing down and there are some big changes ahead, but I’m trying to ground myself in nature, enjoying pottering around our little garden and taking time to notice all the little wonders of nature at this time of year. Have a lovely week. X

Wintering

Life has felt fairly hectic lately and I’ve felt out of sync with the natural world that is only just starting to emerge from hibernation. A little bit of light has crept into our mornings and evenings, and snowdrops and crocuses have pushed up through the ground bringing some much needed colour to these dreary, grey winter days.

Over the last few weeks, my husband and I’ve been trying to get fitter, he recently invested in an exercise bike so we’ve both enjoyed cycling virtually through downtown Tokyo and Kyoto (where we spent our honeymoon almost a decade ago), and we’ve been doing yoga together most evenings before bed. I’ve joined a weekly fitness class at our local gym, which has been a fun way to increase my activity. It’s been tricky finding time to exercise between work and parenting, but we want to get a bit fitter if only to keep up with our two young, energetic daughters.

I’ve struggled a bit with the winter blues but I’m finding such comfort in little glimmers like building elaborate train tracks and magnetic tile towns on the living room floor with the girls or family games of pop up pirate, hungry hippos, dobble and bingo, lots of messy kinetic sand and play dough fun too. This month there have been parties for our oldest daughter’s fifth birthday, and my mother in law’s too. My husband has also gone full-time self employed for the first time, we’re still adjusting to the new rhythm of his work but will hopefully be less stressful and more flexible than his previous role.

We’ve been getting on with little jobs in the garden too, mostly tidying up but also planting a silver birch and pear tree. Winter hasn’t quite surrendered to Spring here yet, it’s still pretty cold, dark, wet and wild, but the first little daffodils in our border have flowered. Have a lovely week. X

Gardening through the bleak midwinter…

January is often a quiet time for us, settling back into our routines and slowing down after all the excitement and excess of Christmas.

There isn’t much growing in the garden at this time of year, but there are still lots of little jobs and tidying up to do. There’s a silver birch and Concorde pear tree waiting to be planted where the bamboo used to be. While the bamboo was a bit of a deadzone for wildlife, I’m hoping the birds and insects will appreciate more native trees and shrubs.

One of the other big changes is the double swing my husband built for our daughters, which they absolutely love and has proven to be reassuringly sturdy so far. In the winter months, we often feel cooped up so swings and the slide give us something to do in the garden when it’s too cold or wet to go the park.

My husband also built a compost box out of pallets and wood leftover from other projects, and we’ve already starting putting our tree clippings, cardboard, fruit and vegetable peel in there to rot down and turn back into nutritious soil.

We spent a couple of hours pottering around in the garden last week, and it was so peaceful without any of the pressure I often feel during summer. Then at the weekend, everything shut down when Storm Eowyn arrived, and we spent a whole day inside watching the storm rage outside and trying to keep two small kids entertained without any of our usual activities. The wind smashed a few panes of glass in our green house, but we were extremely lucky that we didn’t lose any tiles from our roof or fence panels.

As always, very grateful for our little patch, and so looking forward to spring. Have a lovely week. X

New Year, Same Old Me

The crossover from one year into another was gentle in our house, the kids slept right through while my husband and I started rewatching the extended editions of The Lord of the Rings (and we drew the trilogy out over the next few evenings). 2024 left me feeling a bit bruised and tender, and I wasn’t feeling celebratory on New Year’s Eve, so we saved our champagne for the evening of New Year’s Day instead.

While others are making resolutions, setting fitness goals and planning holidays, I find myself craving peace and rest after a turbulent year.

I returned to work last January after a year off on maternity leave and immediately regretted it because so many people had moved on that it was like joining a different team. I started a new job in June but it’s felt like jumping out of frying pan into the fire as it’s much busier and less specialised than I’d hoped, and certainly not the change of career I’m seeking. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the spring, and while it explained so many struggles I’ve had through life, it also brought a wave of fresh self doubt and regrets as well. Finally, in November, we lost our lovely cat Mara, after nine years of her companionship, and I have been struggling with grief and guilt ever since. It’s by no means the worst year I’ve endured, but it’s taken a toll on me nevertheless.

The highlights of 2024 were mostly moments with our family such as our summer holiday, visiting the Enchanted Forest and other daytrips, and just the joy and wonder of seeing our daughters grow. Our oldest turned four in February, she is so bright and confident, and she’s all set to start school in August 2025, which is as exciting as it is nerve-wracking, and will be a big adjustment for us all. Our youngest turned two in November and has become such a little chatterbox, already full of opinions, and ever eager to keep up with her big sister.

It rained all morning on New Year’s Day, but cleared up in the afternoon so we braved a wrapped up trip to Lunderston Bay for our traditional beach walk. I’ve been feeling a bit maudlin lately, and a walk on the beach was such a balm for my weary heart.

I waded into the water in my wellies, which is as close to a dash and a dook as I’ve ever gotten, but there were some other braver folk who went for a dip. As we were beach combing for shells, the sun broke through the clouds and cast a golden glow over snowy mountains in the distance, the shimmering water and the sandy shore, reminding me how grateful I am to live in such a beautiful country, and how lovely winter here can be.

We’ve filled the first few days of 2025 with play dates with our daughters’ cousins and nursery friends, swimming at the local pool and a final visit to the Winterfest to ride the carousel and Santa’s train (the helter skelter was closed due to ice!). It’s been a bit of a blur, but I’m grateful for so many of these moments of joy, laughter and connection, and hope 2025 will be full of more. It’s back to work and nursery tomorrow, but wishing everyone a belated happy New Year. X

Sleep well, sweet Mara 🐾

This is a post I’ve been dreading writing for some time, but on Monday 25th November, our lovely cat Mara passed away.

It all happened so quickly that I’m still in shock. A couple of weeks ago, I’d been worried about Mara’s teeth as she’d started to become a noisy, messy and picky eater, all very out of character for our little snaffler. Unfortunately, the vet diagnosed squamous cell carcinoma, an incurable and terminal cancer of the mouth. We agreed to try pain management but even so, Mara went downhill quickly, stopped grooming and struggling to eat anything except soup.

Mara’s last few days

On the morning of Monday 25th November, we called the vet to arrange having her put to sleep, because we couldn’t stand watching her waste away and prolonging her suffering. We let the kids say their goodbyes and I took Mara to the vet, while my husband took the kids to the park. I stayed with Mara to the end, who true to form was headbooping me and purring until the sedative took effect. She slipped away peacefully without a twitch or whisper, it was so peaceful for her but heartbreaking for me.

I’ve been in a fog of grief ever since, our home feels unbearably empty without her, and all our routines seem off-kilter.

Our four year old daughter has taken it well, there have been some tears but I helped her write a letter to Mara about all her favourite memories to help her remember but it is hard when she says she wishes we could visit Mara. (Same, kid.) It’s been harder to explain to our two year old who keeps asking “where’s Mara?” and looking for her around the house. We’ve spent a lot time huddled round phones looking at photos and videos of Mara. Mara was such a big character in our family that it’s hard to imagine our story continuing without her.

It’s impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t let an animal into their heart, just how much love and joy they bring to our lives and how much sorrow we feel when they pass. Mara was a resilient character who overcame more than her fair share of adversity from losing her previous owner (that led us to adopting her) and the amputation of her tail when we found a mast cell tumour on it. Mara was very much a family cat, whether stretched out on my lap or rolling on her back to let the kids tickle her tummy, she actively sought us out, and she had an enormous capacity to give and recieve affection.

I can’t think of a stress that couldn’t be soothed or a hurt that couldn’t be healed by some time snuggling with Mara. For nine years, Mara has been one of the things I’ve been most grateful for, and my world feels like a worse place without her. Yet, deep down I know she was a happy cat, we gave her a good life, and it was the kindest thing to let her go.

Sleep well, my sweet Mara. You’re part of our family and home forever. Xx

Autumn Equinox in the Garden

After a week of warmth and sunshine, there’s a nip in the air and the garden has definitely gone over. As today is the autumn Equinox, it seems like a good time to share a long overdue update on our garden.

It’s been a patchy summer here in the West of Scotland, seems like we never had more than a couple of days of sunshine and warmth before being soaked by another deluge of rain. Most of the veg I sowed struggled in the cool, wet weather, though the kids have enjoyed eating peas fresh from the pod, and I’m still hopeful the tomatoes will ripen before the first frost.

Growing fruit has been much more successful. We picked bowlfuls of strawberries all through June, a handful of cherries from a dwarf tree, we got about twelve sweet and juicy plums from the Victoria plum tree, and we had enough rhubarb and apples to bake a pie (with lots of apples still to pick).

This year, we’ve let the ground along the fence grow wild, while the climbing roses, clematis and apple trees establish themselves. The long border pretty much takes care of itself, though I want to divide the geraniums and move some to the front garden. It’s been my best year for sunflowers, they grew tall and flowered despite the weather.

It’s not all been good in the garden as we’ve only seen sparrow and starling fledglings, and after noticing that we hadn’t seen the Robin or Blue Tits around for a while, we checked their nests and found both abandoned. I fear one of the neighbourhood cats either got one of the parents or scared them off as all the Tits and Robins stopped visiting the garden for a while. This loss was counterbalanced somewhat by the arrival of a hoglet that has moved in and built a nest inside the little brick house we put together for it, and appears every evening for his supper of wet cat food and hedgehog food. Watching our resident hedgehog scurry around in the evenings is more entertaining than TV.

The biggest change was removing the bamboo, which provided an excellent screen but was an environmental deadzone with nothing but a few spiders inhabiting it, and I’m planning to plant a couple of trees there instead.

Our garden is such a wild clash of ideas, but it is also the best antidote I know to the almost constant climate doomism that pervades the news. I really love seeing how excited the kids are when picking fresh food from the garden, and it’s an easy way of helping them to connect with nature and learn about so many environmental issues. It is our little haven, surprisingly calm and private, in the bustling city. Have a lovely week. X

Suddenly Everything

At the start of Spring, I greet every new flower like an old friend, glad to welcome them back after the long winter, they emerge one by one at first, then suddenly everything springs back to life at once filling our garden with flowers, greenery and wildlife.

This year has been a bit of a whirl so far. I returned to work in January, but almost immediately regretted it and started looking for another job. After a flurry of applications through February and interviews in March, I’m starting a new job this month. It’s a big shift as I’ve been with the same employer for eight years (give or take a year or two on maternity leave), by far the longest I’ve ever stayed in one place, but I was starting to feel a bit stuck and I’m hoping that this will be a fresh start.

At the grand old age of 40, I’ve also been diagnosed with combined type ADHD, which explains a lifetime of chronic distraction, forgetfulness, disorganisation, procrastination, impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, fidgeting and even sleeping problems that have effected me for as long as I can remember. I’m part of a so called lost generation of daydreamers, chatterboxes and fidgets who were missed because we didn’t fit the stereotype of disruptive, hyperactive children at school. I’ve known something was wrong since I started working 20 years ago, I’m still learning about ADHD but it’s a relief to know there’s support and treatment options. As my husband’s also an ADHDer, it means our daughters have a greater chance of having it than not, but hopefully they will have access to support we missed out on if they need it.

Speaking of whom, our kids are keeping us busy. Our 4 year old has always been little miss independent, and our youngest is trying hard to keep up with her big sister (with all the bumps and bruises to prove it). Our house is usually filled with shrieks of giggles as they chase each other around and wrestle on the floor, with only the odd squabble to sort out. We’ve been enjoying lots of puddle walks in the rain lately, playing in the park, trips to the beach and games in the garden, our weekends have been full of birthday parties, and we’re all looking forward to our summer holiday soon.

Our lovely old cat, Mara, is well enough, though starting to look her age with bald patches over her eyes. She spends most of her day snoozing in a variety of beds scattered around the house, but she’s still full of cuddles and sprightly enough to chase the red dot and feathery wands when she feels like it.

Very much hoping things will settle and slow down in the second half of the year, but as always when life feels busy or overwhelming, I’m steadying myself by counting my blessings and focusing on the people and things that always bring me comfort and joy, my little family, our garden, and nature.

Have a lovely week. X

Easter Greetings

I haven’t much time to write lately as we’ve had a run of back to back illnesses which floored us all, but we’ve enjoyed a fun, chocolate and family filled Easter holiday weekend.

We celebrated our oldest daughter’s fourth birthday in February with a little birthday party with all her cousins and best friends from nursery. Meanwhile our youngest is now 18 months old, she’s settled in to nursery, learned a handful of words (Mara, shoes, yeah, no, baby) and is climbing everything.

It’s been a long winter, but buds on the apple trees, blossom on the plum tree and daffodils in the border are the most welcome signs that spring is here at last. There are trays of tomato and teasel seedlings on the windowsills inside, and blue tits flittering and twittering outside the kitchen window as they choose one of our bird boxes to nest in. Growing a little bit of our food and watching the wildlife in our garden always helps me to feel connected to nature and to slow down.

This weekend, while the girls took turns on their slide, my husband scooped leaves and blanketweed out of the pond, and I spent some time in the greenhouse sowing cucumber, celery and melon seeds, before the sky darkened and we were pelted by hail stones trying to rescue the washing drying on the line. Then there was the excitement of pulling on wellies over our pyjamas for an Easter egg hunt in the garden yesterday morning and chocolate for breakfast afterwards.

Very much looking forward to spending more time in the garden and beyond after a long winter cooped up inside. Happy Easter all! X